Arguments and Attack of the Squirrels
by Rebell
Summary: Part I of the Squirrel Chronicles. When Legolas and Estel come back from a patrol, Legolas claims that Estel shot him twice. There can only be a funny explanation.


**Disclaimer:** I have kidnapped Legolas, Estel and Elrond for the time being. I shall return them to their rightful owner when I feel like it.

**AN:** I'm baaaack! But not for long. Oh no, I'm going to San Diego, mwahahaha! Sorry, amped on caffeine. Funny little fic I thought up yesterday, hope you like.

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Elrond glanced out the window for what seemed the hundredth time in two hours. For an immortal, time seemed to be going awfully slow. Estel and the young prince of Mirkwood had gone out with a small scouting party, but the scouting party had been back nearly 24 hours ago. They had run into a few orcs, but nothing serious. Until they realized that Estel and Legolas were missing.

Normally, Elrond wouldn't be worried about his adopted son, who could take of himself. But if you put Legolas with him, there was bound to be trouble. Injuries and pranks happened with startling frequency, and Elrond hadn't forgiven the two for the Chandelier Hoist several months before. It had taken him ages to mend _that _particular set of clothes.

The sun reached its overhead lookout, and still there was no sign of them. Elrond sighed. He did _not _want to tell Thranduil that the prince was missing. The king of Mirkwood had excellent aim.

The Master of Rivendell groaned inwardly. Why him? Why did Legolas have to become friends with _his _adoptive son? Estel would be bad enough alone. But together….ai.

Distant voices, wafted in on the breeze. Elrond sat up. He knew those voices all right. He stared out the window, and soon enough, two figures came in, one leaning heavily on the other. "Did not! It wasn't my fault!"

"Hah! Like I'm going to believe that, you double crossing traitor!"

Elrond left his study and went as fast as was dignified to the courtyard. "Ada!" Estel said happily. "Would you tell this stubborn Elf that it wasn't my fault?"

Elrond laughed, relieved that both were alive. "Maybe. Tell me what happened, and I'll decide whose fault it is."

Legolas sat down on one of the benches and gently massaged his arm and leg. "Your son _shot _me! He shot me! Here, and here!"

"But it wasn't me, it was—"

Elrond raised his hand for silence. After looking Legolas over and deciding that the prince was in a good enough condition for the tale, he said, "Start at the beginning. Estel, you first."

Legolas crossed his arms and muttered, "Favoritism."

"Well, in the battle, we kinda got separated from the others, and by the time it was over, the scouts were gone, and we were kinda lost. So we decided to just head in the direction we thought was home."

"Home, my arse!" the prince snapped. "If you will remember, _mellon-nin_, you led us directly into the river."

"Yes, well, you should have been watching where I was going! Anyway, after we got out of the river, Legolas decided he would be the navigator and I would watch out for enemies. He turned us around and took us back toward Rivendell." Estel paused for a second as Legolas jumped in.

"By the time we got back to the place where we fought the orcs, it was darker, and we couldn't see very well. Or Estel couldn't, I could."

"Hey!" Estel said defensively, "That tree came out of nowhere!"

"We decided not to stop for the night, because we thought we knew which direction Rivendell was. And the orcs were gone, no danger there. That was the good part. The bad part is—"

"His Royal navigation skills led us past the trolls."

Elrond let out a groan.

"Yes, it seems trolls have a much better sense of smell than you would think," Legolas said sheepishly.

"We outran them though!" Estel put in quickly.

Legolas glared at him. "Correction. _I _outran them, _you _screamed like a two hundred year old and I ended up running for both of us!"

Estel looked at the ground, embarrassed. "Moving on… By the time we got away, it was _really _dark, and we were on the path to Rivendell. So, now we knew where we were, and I decided, I wasn't going any further."

"You sat on the ground and hugged a tree." Legolas pointed out mildly. "I couldn't make you let go. And I didn't think it would be a good idea to bring you back to your father unconcious. I value my good looks too much."

"Good looks? What, are you going to tell me you have brains next?" Estel dodged a half-hearted swing from Legolas.

The prince picked up the thread of the story, as if thinking that Estel would not tell the next part right. "He woke me up in the middle of the night, holding his bow and an arrow fitted to a string. He claimed something was out there, but I couldn't hear, sense or see anything. His own smell blocked out every other," He pulled away from Estel as the enraged ranger tried to claw him. "But when I told him that nothing was there, he didn't believe me.

"So I got up and started to circle around the little clearing, and he has the bow ready…" Legolas trailed off in laughter, and quickly stopped under Elrond's stern gaze.

"I could swear there was something out there, Ada!" Estel said earnestly. "But then something hit my shoulder, and I jerked the bow… I guess I let go of the arrow…"

"That one hit my leg." Legolas interjected.

"Yes, you screamed like an elfling. I thought something had attacked you, so I strung another arrow, but then whatever hit my shoulder crawled down into my shirt… I thought it was a- a spider or something."

"So you let go of _that _arrow too! That one hurt even worse!" Legolas paused for a moment, rubbing at his shoulder. "But the funniest—uh, worst part was when you started bouncing up and down slapping at your shirt. You looked like you did when Elladan, Elrohir and I put fire-ants in your clothes!"

"But, it still wasn't my fault I hit you! It was the squirrel's fault!"

Elrond raised one of his dark eyebrows. "_Squirrel?" _

"Uh, yes. Squirrel. It crawled into my shirt and wouldn't come out! It felt awful, those little claws and all!"

Legolas was howling by now, and even Elrond had to work hard at revealing his snickers. Estel hopping up and down screaming in a mix of Elvish and Common was a pretty funny picture.

"Well," Elrond said, before Estel had a chance to get too miffed, "It wasn't entirely your fault, but in the future, leave the bow and arrow work to the Elves. Legolas, healing room now."

As Estel helped the Elf limp away, Elrond heard distinctly, "Thanks a lot _mellon-nin. _You could have just said that you got them from the orcs, but no! Now the whole place will know about this!"

"I couldn't help myself!" came the plaintive voice of Legolas. "It was too good to pass up!"

"Well, you know what I'll have to do now, don't you? By the time you get out of the healing wing, everyone will know about the time you thought Glorfindel was Elladan and dumped syrup all over him."

"You wouldn't dare! You know how much I paid him to keep quiet about that?"

"Well, you'll have to call in for a refund."

"Ai, come on, Estel! No!"

Elrond watched them until they were out of sight. Still snickering, he turned and headed off to find Glorfindel. Speak of the devil, that elf owed _him _a few favors, come to think of it...

A/N: Well, kind crappy ending, but wanted to get this up before I leave. Considering writing an Elladan, Elrohir, Legolas fic next. Boy, too much stuff. Ok, see the little bar that says 'Submit review'? See the button that says 'go'? Click on that, and the squirrels will leave you be.


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